I have the great privilege of facilitating the Summer EQ MBA
class at Seattle University this month.
It is something I did a lot of in years past, but this was my first
class after having Anora. The role I
have is similar to an adjunct professor, but the official title is “Courtesy
Affiliate” because I’m not getting paid.
It’s a service I provide because I really believe in the class and the
skills it offers. It also gives me a
great opportunity to work on my leadership skills and stay connected to the
university. I really value this
opportunity and love getting to hone my skills as a facilitator and work with the students.
Ben and I took this class in Italy way back in 2011. I am so glad we took it together. It has given us tools we consistently use as
a couple navigating conflict and supporting each other. Additionally, he understands why this work is
so important to me.
SO what is it?!
EQ encompasses many skills.
It is categorized into four main quadrants: Self-awareness, Social
awareness, Self-management and Relationship management. We start by learning about empathy and the
way it connects us all. We all have
emotions and can understand what mad, sad, glad, and afraid feel like. When we use these words it helps us speak to
our unassailable truth – the impact of words on us, and our emotions. Sometimes we get caught up in explanations of
WHY. Why did we end up in this
position? Why do we think we are worried
about it? Why, why, why?! The explanation
can dilute the feeling and the message.
It also is a way to avoid feeling the way we feel because we don’t want
to feel afraid, or sad. But in order to
move past it, we must move through it and truly feel the emotions.
We also teach about active listening – parroting,
paraphrasing, and paraphrasing plus. It
helps you hear what someone is telling you, and help the person say things that
are sometimes hard to say. Listening and
empathy are so important to helping a person feel heard and understood.
Here is a great video from Brene Brown on empathy.
Later, the students share autobiographies with each other. It’s a transformative experience that helps them
see people as multi-dimensional rather than just “things in our way” or “a
point of resistance”. It’s a great reminder that we all have a story, and we
all have reasons for putting up our masks.
Masks
With the
falling of the leaves, the masks of green are stripped off the hillsides
With the falling of the leaves,
the masks of green are stripped off the hillsides, revealing the diversity and uniqueness of each ridge and valley, rock
and stream, old shed or oil well hitherto unseen. It is in the winter, when the hills bare
their innermost selves, that we get to know them. Then, in the spring, when the masks return,
we can look at the hills as old friends few others understand.
So it is
with people. Most of
the time we wear our masks.
But during the difficult times,
during the winters
of our lives, we shed our
facades and reveal all the intricacies of the unique beings we are.
It is in these moments that friendships are formed, and we experience
one another as few others ever will.
John W. Walker
The rest of the class is mainly spent practicing these
skills in what we call T-group. It gives people the opportunity to practice
being present and transparent. They get
feedback on how they are showing up in a group, and get time to think about how
they can be more intentional when entering a space.
This passage from the Velveteen Rabbit sums up the experience
and the work the best.
“What
is REAL?” asked the Rabbit one day . . “Does it happen all at once . . . or
bit by bit?”
“It doesn’t happen all at
once,” said the Skin Horse. “You
become. It takes a long time. That’s why it doesn’t often happen to people
who break easily, or have sharp edges, or who have to be carefully kept. Generally, by the time you are Real, most of
your hair has been loved off, and your eyes drop out and you get loose in the
joints and very shabby. But these things
don’t matter at all, because once you are Real you can’t be ugly, except to
people who don’t understand.
Margery Williams
The Velveteen Rabbit
I love being in that space with the students and love
getting the chance to be in the moment/present.
It is also exhausting! Coming off
from the weekend retreat I feel drained but I am so lucky to come home into the
loving embrace of Ben & Anora.
