WITI 2015 - Chrissy's musings on women in the workplace

I recently had the privilege to join nearly 1,000 other women at the Women in Technology International Summit, nicknamed WITI (witty).  It is a meeting of the minds to help promote: Collaboration Instead Of Competition, Empowerment, Honoring Past Generations and Commitment to Future Generations of Women, Listening for Value, Taking Responsibility, Risk Taking, Using Technology, Diversity, and Acknowledgement & Recognition.

The event was hosted in the San Jose, CA, in the heart of Silicon Valley.  We spent three days listening to many inspiring speakers, attending coaching circles, and getting to know each other over meals. Before getting there I had two hesitations.  One, did I fit in with a bunch of "techies"?  And two, do we have to "network"?

First, I was leery of the conference and what sort of take aways I could get from it since I’m not exactly a woman in tech.  I am actually a woman in finance working for a tech company.  So in some ways I felt like a fraud when they would start to break out coding lingo, or make social media jokes that I clearly didn’t get.  Yet, I still felt like a part of the community.  We were all women who were there to find ways to support each other no matter what career path we are on.

My second hesitation was the word NETWORKING.  Ugh, I hate that word so much.  It makes me cringe every time I hear it.  There are so many expectations and images all wrapped up in that one word.  I despise even more the forced networking space.  I like to network on my own time and when it’s not so organized.  The organized networking makes me feel like we are caged animals being watched as we score our prey.  And obviously this networking thing has a certain look and feel…awkward!  You go introduce yourself to strangers and try to make small talk about your job and see if there is a way you can use them to climb up the ladder.  Yuck!  I would rather meet people and talk to them as if I was trying to get to know them and become their friend.  I want to know about them, what excites them, and what they do in their free time.  That’s interesting to me.  All that to say, that my networking looks different and I dread those networking time slots more than you can imagine.

I did, however, get over these two hurdles of not being a tech woman and that networking thing.  I found myself among fellow women who were feeling many of the same things that I was.  The biggest struggle I felt and heard was between wanting an amazing career for myself, while wanting to put my whole heart and soul into raising my family.  The desire to find that perfect career fit, while being torn because my family is also my passion project and finding that perfect fit may mean giving up more time than I am willing to in order to make it happen.  Do I want to be thanking my nanny or husband for taking care of my family so I could work?  Or do I want to be the one taking care of my family?  But what if I am doing work that is so meaningful to the world; does that make it worth it?  What if my family is my world? 

I know only I can answer those questions, but they are constantly swirling in my head.  It’s an ongoing mental battle.  I become so bogged down with these concerns that I’m often in a state of paralysis.  I don’t know whether to move forward, or to stay where I am.  Will I be happier doing something else, even if it requires more time away from my family?  If so, will that make it worth it because I’ll have more to offer when I get home albeit less time?  Will I be setting a better example that way?  Is the example I’m setting now a bad one? 

I saw at the conference many successful women who had chosen a career instead of family.  I also saw many successful women who were also mothers.  I wonder what they had to sacrifice in order to make it all work.  For me, I fear that I would sacrifice my health and that scares me.  [Health is a whole different blog post - see the post on Crohn’s!]  But somethings got to give, right?  There are no more hours in the day than there were yesterday.  How do we become our amazing selves all while raising equally amazing kids?  I think each woman must answer this for herself.  But we do need to take our place at the table instead of shirking away from opportunities and know we deserve to be there. 

The message at the conference was to be our own advocates, speak up!  Make sure we are not fading into the background.  Take what we need, and ask that others are flexible with us so that we can do both of our jobs.  I like that message.  Women are so important to the success of our country and world.  It is proven that teams with women are more successful.  Women have 87% of the purchasing power and can offer valuable insight to businesses.  It just makes plain business sense to include more women in the workplace.  Anyone logical can see that.  But in order to make that happen, we all need to do our part.  There are cultural shifts that need to occur.  Young girls who may be called “bossy” would be called future leaders if they were boys.  Women who do go back into the workforce after having children are questioned if they should be there…”should you be working, I mean, you do have children at home!”  Is this is a question men ever receive?  I doubt it.  Our ideas about what’s right and wrong need to shift.  When girls figure out that people aren’t going to like them if they take charge and act self-assured, they quickly adjust to file into the social norms.  Meanwhile, boys who act confident and take charge are patted on the back and encouraged to keep up that behavior.  It makes them more attractive while it makes women less attractive.  That is a problem. Women often shame each other for this “over confident behavior” and in essence we are keeping each other down. We need to support each other, and raise other women up with us as we break this norm.  It will take time, but there are plenty of amazing women ahead of us who have paved the way, we just need to keep blazing the trail.

There were three of these trailblazing women from IBM who spoke at WITI.  It re-enforced why I love working for IBM so much.  The company offers a community where breaking norms is acceptable and desirable.  They support a diverse workforce and not just on paper.  IBM has created a culture where women can succeed and their voices are heard to ensure women will stay in the work force.  They have always been on the leading edge of hiring “unpopular” populations before the rest of the country and I think supporting the needs of women in the workplace is another great example of this.  They recognize that people are IBM’s strongest asset and supporting them will support the company. What IBM represents, how IBM interacts with the world, and how IBM treats their employees is truly something to be admired.  I am encouraged working for a company where I can see a future for myself as a successful woman.

At the end of my three days in Silicon Valley I feel more ambitious and uplifted.  I feel inspired to find my own answers and to take help from other women who have sat where I am right now.  I was reminded that I am not alone in the confusion and division I feel around work and family.  I am driven to find the best answer for me and my family.  I know it will help pave the way for women who come after me, and especially my Anora.